Dare to Dream

Nationsplendour International blog


Man In The Mirror

This is about me and may be about you, somewhat.
Years ago I can categorically tell you I was one soul totally taken over by anger, so many things about my life especially relationships were jeopardised both at work and at home, in fact it was me against the world.
A day came and I took a decision to tell my self the truth just like Socrates advised and to give myself a chance( like John c. Maxwell admonished) for a change and improvement.

This is a story to prove I have truly given myself a chance because I told myself the truth and I know all of us can.
I recently got myself a help after several months of performing house chores, caring for my four(4) children,coping with my tedious bank job and most of all performing my ultimate domestic obligation all alone except for the days my lovely husband would make breakfast for the kids because they (the kids) would prefer the kind of breakfast he makes available to them. In high spirit and expectation Chinyere (my new help) arrived my home though not educated and enlightened as I may want her, I judged and appraised her based on my own level of education, exposure and understanding even though from all ramifications it is not tenable except by training but this I did not do from onset.
There was hardly a chore Chinyere would perform without flaws and so for every instruction I leave her with, I expected her not to do it right and so was ready with my tongue lashing. I started to feel it was a calculated move by her to make me unhappy in my home. I decided to change my strategy by always putting it in the front burner the fact that I must get value for my money, her salary and yet no change came. All the blame went to her and I never saw any reason to look inwards.
There should always be a time for soul searching, a time for appraisal, that I finally tested and it paid off almost immediately. I went back to ask myself why nothing is working out and I also remember one of my bosses telling me that it’s only a mad man that will keep repeating a strategy and expect a different result, I needed to apply something different and that strategy was “reflective thinking” as stipulated by John c . Maxwell in his book “thinking for a change”
It hit me that I have not fulfilled my part of the contract but expected the other party to do hers, what a shame and where is the place of empathy?

After my soul search, I  called Chinyere in and we had a fruitful discussion and training. I communicated her importance and essence in my  home, to me and my children and she demanded to know how. I continued by telling her she is a critical part of my life and that my job won’t be smooth if I don’t have her at home to take off me some of the responsibilities she takes care of, such as receiving my children when they get back from school in the afternoon. She grinned and I knew from that look she felt good and important and wanted to live up to expectation. Since then, she has continued to improve as the days  go by and I have not failed to acknowledge when she does things right but reprove her in love when necessary. Now she knows she is part of my family and life and she treats me as one( though not always) but I do my part by always looking out for the sweet part of her rather than setting out for the faults.

In essence, let’s stop passing the blame, looking inwards may just be the solution, play your part first, empathise, show some love,a little pat on the back ain’t gonna hurt no body, be a little kinder and the expected result we will get.
Dare to be a better person, dare to dream against all odds.

Check the man in the mirror,
Ngozi Alao

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2 Responses to Man In The Mirror

  1. Mrs Eke. says:

    Wow dis truly confirms dat d change u seek starts with u. I had a similar experience with Kingsley(not my personnal help though). I could scream his name from my flat till d walls shook but he wouldn’t answer, cos I would always send him on errands like it was his obligation. But when I learnt to use d magic word “PLEASE” on him, I found out that he would readily run errands for me. I wanted to go out yesterday so I gave him my “L” sign to fix on my car he didn’t just fix it, he went ahead n cleaned my car though I didn’t ask him to. Give what u want to get “Love begets Love”.

  2. margaret ukuku says:

    Very true my sister

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